The Joy Scribbles

I am sorry. I was stubborn and young and broken hearted. Nothing good ever came from loving a broken soul. Nothing good ever came from trying to put together shattered glass. I am sorry I left pieces of myself lodged in your hands. I am sorry that I tried to wash the blood but only hurt you. I am sorry that when I could not remove myself from you I tried to sooth you with my poetry. I am sorry that he was still in every poem that I wrote. I am sorry that you met me when I was nothing but shreds of myself. ' I am sorry that my love for him suffocated you. That it wrapped itself so tightly around your throat that you felt his hands crack your neck. And you walk up from bed wondering if I would ever love anything else. If you were enough? I am sorry for all the times you tried to reach beyond my lips and I cried. And you did not know whether to hold me or leave me. Because my skin has began to burn itself in you. ' And you're realising I'm too hot to touch an...

Dear Saleem, I named you after my father because of the day he told me he once beat his convicted pedophile uncle for making a sexual comment about a twelve year old walking past him. Also for the time my uncle called his wife a whore and he kicked him out. For the time he planted roses for my mother because she deserves roses everyday. I named you for a man I never saw mistreat a woman. For a man who treated me as a human and not a girl. I named you for a man who in a time where all I heard was " so and so is beating his girlfriend or wife" I never saw raise a hand to a woman. I named you for him in the hope that he will rub off on you. They are many things I will teach you, like to live fearlessly and be yourself but only one is important today. Darling I birthed you because they are not enough men that know that women are human beings. They are not human because they are someone's mother, sister, daughter or wife, they are human because they are real. The world wil...

So a fan ( nah more like an avid reader) of my blog said he was disspaointed that I stopped the letter challenge. We therefore came to an agreement that I would try my hand at it except He would give me a few letters to write to replace the ones I had already written. So can we call this the July letter challenge? Yall can thank @AtangManyeaula for this one. A letter to 12 year old TJ Dear Tshepo,  No one but your mom calls you TJ now but by next year even your childhood friends will and after six or so years you will wish people remembered Tshepo. But they won't. You will become TJ. You will love her. She will be your favourite thing about Tshepo and you will be proud. You will still wish she was Tshepo.  Next year you will be thirteen. It seems inconceivable now but I promise you it isn't as difficult as it looks. I know you feel awkward. No one says you're cute except your family. All the boys think you're one of the boys but do not bother yourself. They ...

hi... A follower requested a short story by me a while ago. here is what i have of Annie so far.  She put the cigarette to her mouth. Inhaled the minty smoke and breathed it out through her nose. “I’m Annie”. She squat down to put the cigarette on the floor exposing her sexy thighs and then stood up before stubbing it out with her leopard print heel. It crumbled, the filter still intact stained with lipstick.  “I’m not much of a smoker.” she said reapplying her pink lipstick. “One puff and I’m good. Probably a waste of money though.” Her biracial hair was tumbling away from the top knot bun and she was trying to pin it up. The sweat glistened on her long neck. “I like to dance. That’s why I’m all sweaty. I’m always dancing when I’m out. It’s ridiculous.” She slid through the club door, turned and called out “Dance with me”. He tossed his cigarette to the street and followed. Her slim figure slid through the crowd easily while he struggled to keep up. He kept his eye on ...

Dear Grandma I can't forget the day you said you'd see me in my dreams. Or the day my cousin screamed "Mampho o sule". And I'm trying not to cry but I cry so much man. I cry about everything. Did I cry this much before? Did you know I cry so much? I cry almost as much as I breath. Sometimes I have to hide behind my shades and hat. I just started drinking tea again. I'm not hurling it but I haven't tried the one you liked. It scares me. I have a baby sister. So I'm not a baby anymore. And sometimes I wish you'd gotten to see it. I miss you terribly. I wish you'd visit my dreams tonight. Love, Tshepo.

Dear Thandi, I know I'm bad at keeping in touch. But there is so much to say. Technology is so impersonal. I'm sorry. I want to hold you, see your face when I tell you something shocking, hear you laugh. I miss you. terribly. Don't doubt it. I just can't do this online life. Just make sure when you come home this time I get to see you. I love you. Hope you're staying blessed. Xoxo

Again I am super late due to power cuts. But here goes Dear Sir, I don't feel like writing down your name today. I no longer refer to it. Or hold it with the reverence of a little girl learning her first teacher's name. I no longer repeat it to people as if to remind them you once belonged to me. I no longer repeat it to myself in an attempt not to forget you. I try to remember not to say it. I try to remember that they're sick and tired of hearing it. I try to remember not to tell stories that make me laugh if you're in them. Or stories about the first time I did this or that because goddamn it you're in so many fucken memories. So sometimes I whisper it before bed and other days when I'm too busy to remember it crawls into my dreams and holds me. I keep trying to remember that you are no longer comfort. You are no longer home. Your bed is not a place I can bare myself anymore. I can no longer cry in your arms. You can no longer see me as the definition o...

Hi... unfortunately living in a third world country means that i sometimes have all day power shortages apparently. I had no idea. In other news. Hi there stranger, I slipped this note in your back pack this afternoon after I saw you start an argument with a combi driver on a rainy day. Here's the thing. We're all having a pretty shit day. Its raining furiously. My shoes are soaked. And for God's sake I left my house for a cafe cause there was no power and the cafe didnt have power? So I genuinely don't know why no one has taught you that some arguments aren't a thing. That the scorn in your voice is a bitter acid that pisses us the fuck off but only burns you. Does it make you feel better? Does it make you feel manlier to remind the combi driver that your job is better than his so he needs to hurry the fuck up. Shut Up. You're beneath him for simply being so fucken rude. what are you a twelve year old spoilt kid? Here sir a three rules to having a good da...

How are they so many of you? Lord. I can't keep up. Maybe I take too many naps and sleep too long. I feel like I'm always chasing... Always so confused and for a very long time I sat and watched. Then I turned twenty. And as if for some reason God decided that Twenty was the year. Doors opened and we walked through. I can see you clearly now. Everyday's to do list is one step closer to I made it. And every sleep less night is one less dream and for once I'm really glad man. I'm really fucken glad I'm not feeling like you're slipping away. I'm trying to keep up. I'm really trying to stay awake.

Dear Aaliyah I remember when I found the scan of you by accident. I asked mom if we were having a baby and she said it was a scan of daddy's tummy. I didn't tell her she was lying because it had her name on it. You don't tell old people they're lying. But I remember going to bed that night and praying you were a girl so you could get some of my old clothes. I waited for you for so long. And then you arrived a small ugly thing with a full head of curly hair that wasn't any fun to play with and by the time you could play I was too old and busy. You fell asleep waiting for me to finish my homework and read you a story. That's probably why you don't read much now. But yesterday you said "look the clouds are pregnant"and I beamed with pride because you remembered the metaphors we went through. and mom said "where'd you learn that?" and you said my sister. And never for a second when I'm yelling or moving out or somewhere in betw...

Dear Mom and Dad, Guess what? I'm going to make it. Thanks for making it possible. Sincerely, Somewhere in between a grown woman and a little girl

Dear Crush, I don't want to write this. This letter would remind me too much of how we began in endless possibilities and ended in Nothing.  I've got a thing for boys who read books, speak multiple languages and smell good. You are all of those. But it seems I've also got a taste for men with no taste for me. Do I taste dull? Do I taste stale while you taste like candy floss? Soft and sweet but so incredibly unhealthy. So incredibly unhealthy how many times you want to be just friends while your hand is in my pants and there's tequila in my breath. I use to think you were awesome and it makes me sad to watch your light flicker the faster I run away. I wanted to be friends. But you lied. I can't stand lies. Not when I'm giving you all of myself. I can't stand lies. Not when I'm giving all of myself. _ Nothing

Is it a sin if I write 2? The reason is for some people they meet one person who understands their soul and they call them their best friend and for me I've met two different people who understand me so differently but who i love so fiercely I couldn't live without them. so here goes... Darling, I used to think that I knew nothing about you. That I opened myself to you and got nothing from you but hugs and condolences and tears about how i deserved better but not a single bit of you. Then i realized I never asked. Always so observed in myself that I never noticed that maybe unlike me who sprawls herself to whoever will listen, you needed prompting. But I have since learned that nothing anyone does has to do with me. And it makes smile that occasionally when the pressure of the things you bottle up inside cracks its me you call at 2 am in tears. And sure I have no fucken Idea why You're crying. And sure I've never met your man. Or remember his name because he never ...

Write a letter a day for 30 days The List 1 - Your Best Friend 2 - Your Crush 3 - Your parents 4 - Your sibling (or closest relative) 5 - Your dreams 6 - A stranger 7 - Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush 8 - Your favourite internet friend 9 - Someone you wish you could meet 10 - Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to 11 - A Deceased person you wish you could talk to 12 - The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain 13 - Someone you wish could forgive you 14 - Someone you've drifted away from 15 - The person you miss the most 16 - Someone that's not in your state/country 17 - Someone from your childhood 18 - The person that you wish you could be 19 - Someone that pesters your mind-good or bad 20 - The one that broke your heart the hardest 21 - Someone you judged by their first impression 22 - Someone you want to give a second chance to 23 - The last person you kissed 24 - The person that gave you your favourite memory ...