The Joy Scribbles

When I was 5 my mother told me to punch till i drew blood. I didn't get why she was so mad. When I was 12 a man said I liooked sexy in shorts. I stopped wearing shorts. Or playing outside. I closed my legs, I sat like a lady. I wear shorts now. I walk at night. I drink tequila. I reject nice guys. Someone told me I was asking for it. I remembered then, my mother said... "when a boy tells you he owns you punch till you draw blood."

How are they so many of you? Lord. I can't keep up. Maybe I take too many naps and sleep too long. I feel like I'm always chasing... Always so confused and for a very long time I sat and watched. Then I turned twenty. And as if for some reason God decided that Twenty was the year. Doors opened and we walked through. I can see you clearly now. Everyday's to do list is one step closer to I made it. And every sleep less night is one less dream and for once I'm really glad man. I'm really fucken glad I'm not feeling like you're slipping away. I'm trying to keep up. I'm really trying to stay awake.

We're like withering roses me and you. This relationship isn't big enough for the both of us. It’s sad that some people suffocate in love or somewhere between it. Someone asked me what being in love feels like. I can't remember. All I remember is the consuming fear of losing you. Remind me darling.   I hate it when scars fade. That's when I forget all the burns, cuts and bruises. That's when I fall into your arms, forgetting that their safety once suffocated me.   That you once wept as you watched your too tight grasp leave me gasping and clawing at you.   Too selfish and scared to let go just a little. They won't stop asking why I won't leave you.   I've resolved to answering, "I'm a poet. What would I write about if not being in love with a man that thinks I'm pathetic" But we both know it’s nice to come back and be a mess again. I told you you're a lucky man. I didn't tell you I'm a lucky woman too. Ma...

Don’t fall in love with me  I’m not quite sure I can resist the urge to break you. I’m not quite sure I can keep from hurting you. I’m not quite sure I can fit the mould. The barriers. The labels. The dreams they sold you about love. The healthy can’t understand the emptied and broken. You can’t understand. You won’t understand that sometimes I’m sad and it’s not because anything is the matter. But I like that you leave me alone when I am. Please Don’t fall in love with me. No matter how much I ask. No matter how much I beckon you with the warmth in my arms. Or the tightness between my legs. No matter how often I let you hold me afterwards. No matter how often I smile. Or stare at you when you don’t notice. Please don’t fall in Love with me. Even though its too late for me, its not for you. I love you too much to watch you fall in love with a woman that doesn’t know how to stay. Too much to watch the spaces between us fill with hate. I love ...

My cousin recently tied the knot, i decided to share a few of the snaps i took on her special day.