The Joy Scribbles

They're a number of love stories I've told but never ours. It's my favorite one.  Its the only one that ends without a sour taste in my mouth. The only one I still pray for. I pray for you. Did you know? Do you ever hear my prayers? I pray the way mother's pray for their children and women pray for their husbands. Prayer is a woman's best firearm is something my mother says. I don't think she meant for me to use all my Ammo protecting you. I don't think she meant for me to pray for you so hard. But, I find sanity in knowing that even in the moments when  I choose myself over loving you God will love you for me. In the moments when you would look to me look to him. I'm not nearly responsible to hold your heart in my hands without dropping it. I fear I already have, but I want you to know. All these years later, All these boys later, ' All these scars later, there's not a smile in the world that warms my heart more than yours....

You are 4 the first time someone uses you to put someone else down. The first time your aunt tells your cousin, "You are dark and ugly and she is light and beautiful. who will love you?" And you can taste the acid in your cousin's eyes when she looks at you. But when her daughter is born she calls her dark and ugly. and your aunts laugh. but you cry. You cry because you've never seen a baby shine so bright. Because you can remember the taste of acid in your cousin's eyes. Someone taught you that you were Dark and Ugly baby. Don't teach your daughter.