The Joy Scribbles

Did you tell God about the way your lungs caved in last night when you realized it was quarter to done and you were quarter to failure or pass and You're not sure if you should cry or smile because dammit you can't breath.  You don't like new beginnings do you?  You don't like fresh starts or new things or new people.  That whole process of getting to know,  building routines.  You don't like the idea that you could be good enough. or not good enough. or just below average. or that someone will hold you to their standard. And God you hate mornings. You hate the way the air is colder. You hate the kinda blue the sky is. But no one can hate sunrises so you'd wake up for those. But only if your boyfriend promised to kiss you better when it's done and let you sleep. But you can't help but love the smell of coffee. Black and strong but not so sweet because how else can you stay on team perfect teeth. Teeth whitening is not as big an iss

Dear One Am, No one quite understands why I know you so well. A doctor told me it was insomnia, my mother says I need to pray more, my dad just really wishes I would get up earlier to make him breakfast. But 1 am no one really understands this you and me thing. No one really gets that just after midnight, just at the beginning of the day, is the quietest and loudest place. How many tears have you seen me cry? How many questions and prayers have you heard? How many I love yous have you heard whispered? How many moans have you heard? How many times have you seen me rock my soul into his? How many times have you felt a lovers cold feet settle against his wife's warm feet? How much poetry have you watched me right? How many words did you pick? you're so quiet. So silent. Just ghostly watching all these things. Keeping a billion secrets, almost as many as all the stars I see. Baby, you're my favourite place. No one else listens and doesn't judge.