The Joy Scribbles

They're a number of love stories I've told but never ours. It's my favorite one.  Its the only one that ends without a sour taste in my mouth. The only one I still pray for. I pray for you. Did you know? Do you ever hear my prayers? I pray the way mother's pray for their children and women pray for their husbands. Prayer is a woman's best firearm is something my mother says. I don't think she meant for me to use all my Ammo protecting you. I don't think she meant for me to pray for you so hard. But, I find sanity in knowing that even in the moments when  I choose myself over loving you God will love you for me. In the moments when you would look to me look to him. I'm not nearly responsible to hold your heart in my hands without dropping it. I fear I already have, but I want you to know. All these years later, All these boys later, ' All these scars later, there's not a smile in the world that warms my heart more than yours....

Did you tell God about the way your lungs caved in last night when you realized it was quarter to done and you were quarter to failure or pass and You're not sure if you should cry or smile because dammit you can't breath.  You don't like new beginnings do you?  You don't like fresh starts or new things or new people.  That whole process of getting to know,  building routines.  You don't like the idea that you could be good enough. or not good enough. or just below average. or that someone will hold you to their standard. And God you hate mornings. You hate the way the air is colder. You hate the kinda blue the sky is. But no one can hate sunrises so you'd wake up for those. But only if your boyfriend promised to kiss you better when it's done and let you sleep. But you can't help but love the smell of coffee. Black and strong but not so sweet because how else can you stay on team perfect teeth. Teeth whitening is not as big an iss...