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Day 7. Your ex boyfriend/love/ crush

Again I am super late due to power cuts. But here goes

Dear Sir,

I don't feel like writing down your name today. I no longer refer to it. Or hold it with the reverence of a little girl learning her first teacher's name. I no longer repeat it to people as if to remind them you once belonged to me. I no longer repeat it to myself in an attempt not to forget you. I try to remember not to say it. I try to remember that they're sick and tired of hearing it. I try to remember not to tell stories that make me laugh if you're in them. Or stories about the first time I did this or that because goddamn it you're in so many fucken memories. So sometimes I whisper it before bed and other days when I'm too busy to remember it crawls into my dreams and holds me.

I keep trying to remember that you are no longer comfort. You are no longer home. Your bed is not a place I can bare myself anymore. I can no longer cry in your arms. You can no longer see me as the definition of weakness. No. I am strong. I have to remember I am strong. I have to remember to return coldness with coldness. I am strong. God. someone remind me that I am strong. I'm trying to remember. You're sitting across from me. "I'm going to run us a bath". I whisper it to myself,  "I am strong", then I laugh at you "a bath for what?". "You know", you walk off. I whisper it again I am strong. I am strong. I am strong.

But look at you lying so smugly on the floor while I work at 2am. And despite the fact that I've come to hate the sound of your voice and the smell of your clothes, Why does everything remind me of you?

Sincerely,
silly girl



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