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Love Letters

You write him a love letter. A long one.
He says nothing except, "how do you keep finding new ways to break my heart? ".
You say "sorry. I thought you should know. Even though I can't make a home I still love."
He walks away.

You realize then how selfish it is to keep asking people to stay.
You suddenly think of all the men you've loved.
The one who hurt you,
the one who left,
the one who was never really there,
the one who loved someone else.
How selfish of you to ask anyone to stay.
Not when in the same breath you pushed them away.

You pick them terribly dont you?
You pick them the way young boys pick flowers for girls they love.
Temporary fleets of attention, that wilt.
You keep them much longer than you should.
then they stench.
Dead.
Never buried.
Just there dying,
filling everything with the smell of death.
Rotting the bits of you you love the most.
You love every minute of it.

You cry when they leave.
Pull yourself apart.
Put yourself together.
Promise never to love again.
Then one day, you write a love letter.
All things about him you love.
And someone says "No darling, its not enough. I know you see me. Let me see you. "
Suddenly loneliness is better then.
At least, She doesn't ask for all of you.

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