The Joy Scribbles

Don't ask me to stay.  God don't ask me to.  I'm not sure I can say No and  I'm not the type of woman who makes a home out of boys without corrupting them.  I'm not the kind woman who can sit still.  I fidget a lot.  My eye wonders even more.  and I don't know if I still remember how to love a boy without breaking them. And God, you're beautiful. you're beautiful just the way you are  and I know you want to teach me how to make a home.  but no matter how many cakes I bake and casseroles I make  you'll never be enough.  because I have a never ending urge to love a lot more than people.  Maybe if you come with me I'll try harder.  Maybe if you give me a little space to leave, I'll come home to you. maybe, I can think of you as a place.  As a station my train needs to pass through  because if you make yourself a box to put me in  I will burn you.  I will claw at...

You are 4 the first time someone uses you to put someone else down. The first time your aunt tells your cousin, "You are dark and ugly and she is light and beautiful. who will love you?" And you can taste the acid in your cousin's eyes when she looks at you. But when her daughter is born she calls her dark and ugly. and your aunts laugh. but you cry. You cry because you've never seen a baby shine so bright. Because you can remember the taste of acid in your cousin's eyes. Someone taught you that you were Dark and Ugly baby. Don't teach your daughter.